8.Celeste Corcoran — Direct

CELESTE CORCORAN: My name is Celeste Corcoran, C-E-L-E-S-T-E, C-O-R-C-O-R-A-N.

CELESTE CORCORAN: (Witness complies.)

CELESTE CORCORAN: Better?

CELESTE CORCORAN: I grew up in Lowell, Massachusetts.

CELESTE CORCORAN: Yes, I did.

CELESTE CORCORAN: It was a vocational high school.

CELESTE CORCORAN: Yes, I did.

CELESTE CORCORAN: Kevin is my husband.

CELESTE CORCORAN: We met as teenagers through a family friend.

CELESTE CORCORAN: Yes, we did. In 1989.

CELESTE CORCORAN: I'm sorry?

CELESTE CORCORAN: Yes.

CELESTE CORCORAN: 1989.

CELESTE CORCORAN: I do.

CELESTE CORCORAN: Two.

CELESTE CORCORAN: Tyler; he's 22. And Sydney will have her birthday in just a couple of days, and she's going to be 20.

CELESTE CORCORAN: Yes, she did.

CELESTE CORCORAN: I did. I started working as a hairstylist immediately.

CELESTE CORCORAN: I did.

CELESTE CORCORAN: I'm sorry?

CELESTE CORCORAN: I was working at Emerge Spa & Salon on Newbury Street.

CELESTE CORCORAN: It's parallel to it.

CELESTE CORCORAN: Yes. Yes.

CELESTE CORCORAN: I believe it's been about 15 years, 14 years.

CELESTE CORCORAN: I did.

CELESTE CORCORAN: I went because my sister, Carmen, my only sister, was running the marathon.

CELESTE CORCORAN: God, no.

CELESTE CORCORAN: No. And this was her first marathon. It was supposed to be a one-and-done. And I watched her train so hard, and there was no way that my entire family was going to miss her running that marathon. I had never been to the Boston Marathon myself.

CELESTE CORCORAN: We left Lowell very early. One of my friends lives close by, and she has a parking spot for us to stay -- to park in. And I was very worried about parking and road closings and everything, so we went early. We left Lowell probably about 8:30 in the morning, and so got to Boston fairly early. And I just remember that it was such a beautiful day. And we had so much time, so we went on Commonwealth Ave, in that little grassy area, I think it's called the mall, and we had some Dunkin' Donuts, we talked. It was my husband, my daughter and I.

CELESTE CORCORAN: Yes.

CELESTE CORCORAN: And then when I work, I usually, you know, go to work and then go home, and I don't explore the city that much. So we decided that we had enough time, I had said that I had never walked over the Arthur Fiedler Footbridge, so we decided to take a little stroll. And we walked over that and we went over to the Hatch Shell. I had never been in that area before. And we walked out onto -- closer to the water, onto this little pier, you know, where there were these chairs there. And I just remember it being so beautiful. We were sitting in the sun. And I remember sitting sideways in my chair, and I just kind of put my feet up on the back of the -- on the side of the chair and just kind of, you know, raising my face to the sun and just thinking that it was such a beautiful day.

CELESTE CORCORAN: Yes.

CELESTE CORCORAN: We made our way back to Newbury Street. We met up with friends of ours, Ron and Karen Brassard, and their daughter Krystara. We were tracking my sister through our cell phones and stuff, so we knew that we still had some time. So the girls split off and we went into a couple of little shops, and the guys went to Joe's for a beer, and we agreed to meet maybe, like, an hour later. We knew -- because we knew that it was close to the time that my sister -- we wanted to be at the finish line maybe -- you know, the tracking device wasn't extremely accurate, so we wanted to be there in plenty of time to absolutely not miss her. So actually, then we -- when we did meet up, we ate at Stephanie's restaurant on Newbury Street.

CELESTE CORCORAN: What?

CELESTE CORCORAN: I believe it's --

CELESTE CORCORAN: Exeter. I think it's Exeter.

CELESTE CORCORAN: So when we were done eating lunch, we decided that it was time to make our way up onto Boylston Street. And we went up Exeter and --

CELESTE CORCORAN: So it was myself, my husband Kevin, Sydney, Ron and Karen Brassard, their daughter Krystara, and Krystara had called her roommate Victoria, I believe her last name was McGrath.

CELESTE CORCORAN: And we all made our way to Boylston Street. And at that point my husband pointed out that we were -- we were going to stay right there, and he was like, "Okay. We're behind the finish line. You're not going to see her finish." So he made the call that we should all move towards the finish line. So we followed him and got to -- a couple of times along the way we tried to get him to stop because we thought we were close enough, but we ended up in front of Marathon Sports, and that's where we stopped to watch.

CELESTE CORCORAN: Yes.

CELESTE CORCORAN: Yes, it is.

CELESTE CORCORAN: I'm right here (indicating). Will that show?

CELESTE CORCORAN: Oh, I'm sorry.

CELESTE CORCORAN: Yes, I do.

CELESTE CORCORAN: Yes, I do.

CELESTE CORCORAN: Yes, it is.

CELESTE CORCORAN: (Witness complies.)

CELESTE CORCORAN: Yes.

CELESTE CORCORAN: Yes.

CELESTE CORCORAN: We -- I remember being a little frustrated because we were maybe six or seven people deep from the fence and my -- I was determined that I was going to see my sister -- I needed to see my sister cross the finish line. So Sydney at the time was taller than me, and I was kind of using her shoulder to kind of lift myself up. And I just remember my head being on a swivel, looking back and forth, you know. And we would yell back and forth to each other, like, "Did you see it? Did you see anything?" And we were just waiting and waiting. And then Ron and Karen sort of -- I didn't know because I was so attuned to watching the street, but Ron and Karen had sort of -- we had sort of spread out a little bit, but Sydney did stay next to me. And at that point I think my husband had -- was joking around with Ron and Karen and -- about the signs. Karen had made some signs to cheer my sister on. And then our whole world just exploded.

CELESTE CORCORAN: I, unfortunately, remember every single detail. I did not pass out. I remember being thrown up in the air, or having the sensation of kind of flipping around. I remember just, like, landing hard, not being able to breathe. I remember this thick, thick, black, heavy smoke. I was choking. I was trying to spit stuff out of my mouth. I was completely confused. I didn't know what had happened. There was this -- it's so hard to describe. It was like this deafening silence. And when I opened my eyes and, you know, could see the black smoke and everything, I could hear -- my eardrums got blown out. So I just remember that being so irritating, like, why can't I hear? It was like my mind hadn't caught up yet with what had happened. And I remember hearing just blood-curdling screams. I remember just looking around, not really seeing -- just seeing blood everywhere, sort of, like, debris falling from the sky. It was such a surreal kind of out-of-body experience. It's very hard to explain but I want to try and get it right for you all to understand. And I just remember lying there, and I think as my brain was kind of catching up, I just remember thinking, like, what was that, you know? And...

CELESTE CORCORAN: I saw blood. I saw a lot of blood. And when I had flipped, I remember feeling someone. I pushed off of someone or something. Our bodies collided or something. And I don't know who that was. And I remember trying to sit up, and I couldn't sit up. And I remember looking down, and I just saw -- as much as I could sit up and look down, I just remember seeing so much blood where my legs were and my -- one of my feet at a weird angle. And I just remember inside my head as it started to kind of process, like the pain started -- I started to feel the pain. And I just remember thinking, No, no. I want it to be five minutes ago. Like what just happened? This can't be happening. This can't be reality. And nothing went away, you know? Everything stayed the same, and the pain increased.

CELESTE CORCORAN: I did not. I did not. Right away my husband came down. I saw him. He was right in my face, and he was touching my hair and he was telling me it was going to be okay. He literally said the words to me, "This was a terrorist bomb" or attack. I don't remember exactly which word he used, but he said "terrorist." He said, "This is a terrorist attack" or bomb. And I remember thinking, I don't care. Like just what -- I just remember thinking how awful this was and how this had to stop. This couldn't be real. Couldn't be real. And then he started to apply pressure on my legs. And I was just in such excruciating pain and there was so much screaming and chaos that it was like I just had to kind of -- to kind of keep it together I just had to kind of go into myself, and I just raised my arms to cover my eyes because I didn't want to look at anything else.

CELESTE CORCORAN: I didn't know. I just remember how much I hurt. And I think it was at that point that I asked my husband -- I said, "Kevin, are my feet attached to my legs?" and he said yes. And they were. And then I don't know how much longer after that, because he kept applying pressure and I was just in so much pain, but in my head -- because he was okay and he was tending to me, I thought that Sydney was okay. Like I knew that other people obviously were hurt because of all the screaming and the blood and everything that I saw, but I thought that she was okay. And I said to him, "How's Sydney?" thinking that she would be devastated to see me because I knew how hurt -- or I suspected how hurt I was. And he didn't know. Sydney got blown back from us but he thought -- he said, "I think she's okay. I think she's with Ron and Karen." So that, thankfully, let me kind of calm down and try and just keep it together until -- all I could think of was -- I just kept going over and over in my head, No, no, no. This doesn't happen here. This doesn't -- this couldn't have happened. I'm dreaming. I'm going to wake up, something.

CELESTE CORCORAN: My husband did.

CELESTE CORCORAN: He did. He took his belt off and applied one to one of my legs, and then he stopped someone walking past us and he got his belt and he applied the other tourniquet. And then he just kept putting this excruciating pressure on my legs. And he kind of crouched down beside me, and he was trying to keep me calm because he knew that I was on the verge of freaking out. And he just kept -- I'll never forget. He just kept touching my head and taking my hair away from my face, and he just kept telling me that he loved me and that I was going to live and he wasn't going to leave my side and that it was going to be okay. "Hold on. Hold on. It's going to be okay." And he said, "I'm not going to leave."

CELESTE CORCORAN: Yes. They -- I'm assuming the ambulance people came to get me. They put me on a board or gurney. I have no idea what. I just know that when they moved me, I think that was the first time that I had breath enough to scream in agony, them moving me, because it hurt my legs so bad. And then I remember them taking me into the medical tent. And inside the medical tent there was like this like controlled chaos. Like you could tell that everybody was sort of frantic but trying to hold it together. People were yelling. They were cutting my clothes off me. I remember them cutting through my top and I remember them writing on my chest a number. They said -- I said, "What are you doing?" And they said, "We're writing a number on you." I believe they said they were writing the number one. I can't be positive about that but -- she said she was writing a number on my chest because they had to get me out fast. And I just remember them saying, "She needs to leave. She needs to leave now. Get her out of here."

CELESTE CORCORAN: Excruciating pain. Inside there, I don't remember any of their faces because, again, I had -- I guess that was my defense, I had my arms up and I was just trying to just breathe. I had never felt pain like that before in my life and I just was trying to hold it together. And all I could think was, Okay. They're going to get me to the hospital, they're going to fix my legs. They're going to knock me out, I'm going to go into surgery, they're going to fix my legs. It's going to be okay. I just have to hang on until they get me to the hospital. They just have to get me to the hospital.

CELESTE CORCORAN: I did not.

CELESTE CORCORAN: I think because I was just in too much pain. I didn't care. It just hurt too much. It wasn't relevant at that point. It was just I was in too much pain to move. Any movement was just horrific. I remember thinking that I was going to die, that I couldn't -- no one can go through that much pain. And I didn't know how bad it was. I knew it was very bad and I was just thinking, Is this it? Is this -- am I going to die? And I remember thinking that I wanted to die. I remember thinking that the pain was too much and I just wanted to die. And then on the heels of that, I remember almost instantaneously it was like -- I don't know if it was the mom in me or, you know, just -- I don't know where it came from but I just remember thinking, I just want to die, just let me die, and then immediately I was like, Hell no. I don't want to die. Please don't let me die, you know? Then that was the mantra, sort of, that I was saying. And it was like, I can't die. I have to be there for my kids. I have to be there for my husband. I have too much living to do. Don't let this be the end. How can this be the end?

CELESTE CORCORAN: I don't remember them telling me that, I don't think, but I know I went to Boston Medical Center.

CELESTE CORCORAN: So they wheeled me in. So I do know that when we left the tent, I know that Kevin was with me, and I know that they told him to ride in the front of the ambulance. And there was a woman in the ambulance with me, I don't know who that was, but the attendant was trying to go between the two of us. And when we got to the hospital and they wheeled me in, again, it was that controlled chaos, like everybody moving so fast that you -- like I, again, shut my eyes. Like they're like running you down the hallway and people are yelling instructions at each other and you just know -- you can hear in their voice how serious this is so it scares the hell out of you. But at the same time they're trying to comfort you, you know. And they were cutting my clothes off, and one nurse was at my head and she was asking me what my name was. And at that point I remember feeling -- I was so cold, and I remember -- I remember my hands, they felt like they were like cramping up. Like I remember trying to, like -- I don't know what I was trying to do, if I was trying to move my hair or something, but I remember my fingers feeling like they were cramping up and I remember thinking I was like -- my face felt like it had all pins and needles so it was hard for me to talk. And her asking me the questions. I remember just thinking, like, Just knock me out. Just do something. What are you doing? And she was asking me if I was allergic to medications, and then she asked me if I was there with anybody, and I said my husband. And she said, "No, he's not here with you." And I said, "Yes, he is." And I said, "He came with me in the ambulance." And she said, "We can't find him." And I remember at that point, I think because I was in so much pain, my patience had just run out, and I remember I definitely snapped at her and I said, "He was in the ambulance with me. Go find him." And then I remember a doctor on the other side of me standing there...

CELESTE CORCORAN: ...just kind of stoically standing there without a lot of emotion. And he had a clipboard in his hand. And in my mind at that point they were going to fix me. I didn't know what was happening down there but they were going to fix me. And he had this clipboard, and he looked at me and he said, just, you know, so matter-of-factly, he said, "Celeste, Celeste, we need you to sign this because we need to amputate both your legs." And I just remember looking at him and I went, "Both?" And he said, "Yes." And all I could think of at that time was that, you know, they wouldn't be telling me that if that didn't have to happen. I just needed the pain to stop. So I just scribbled my name, and they must have knocked me out after that.

CELESTE CORCORAN: No, I did not.

CELESTE CORCORAN: Yes. It was after I woke up. I woke up and they told me that she had been hurt, she had had surgery, and they were going to put us in the same room together. And that's what they did. They brought us in the same room together. At that point I didn't know the extent of her injuries at all, I just knew that my daughter was there. And I was just so glad -- I mean, that my husband was there and my daughter was alive. We just -- I just couldn't stop crying because it was the second time I almost lost her, and I was so glad that she was alive, that she wasn't taken from me.

CELESTE CORCORAN: They put us in the same room for our entire stay. I think we were in the hospital -- my time gets blurred. I think we were there maybe three or four weeks.

CELESTE CORCORAN: Yes. Yes.

CELESTE CORCORAN: So that was probably the most heartbreaking or heart-wrenching thing as a mom. I am such a mom. I mother everybody. And to see your child in pain and not be able to get up and go to them. So our hospital beds were, you know, on either side of the room, and Sydney had a reaction to I think a pain medication that she had. So she was violently ill. And I just remember just helplessly laying there in my bed watching my daughter be violently ill. And I couldn't get up, I couldn't go to her, I couldn't hear because my eardrums got blown out. So when everyone was hovered around her and talking and saying what they were going to do to her or what was going on, I didn't know what was happening. And that was probably one of the hardest things as well as, you know, just being with her through her recovery, that I've had to go through with her, is seeing her in pain and not being able to go to her and comfort her.

CELESTE CORCORAN: Yes, we were.

CELESTE CORCORAN: We were moved together. We were in adjoining rooms. I believe I stayed for -- it might have been just under two weeks -- and Sydney stayed less than that. I'm not sure if it was four or five, six days.

CELESTE CORCORAN: I'm sorry?

CELESTE CORCORAN: Yes.

CELESTE CORCORAN: My eardrums were blown out, I had shrapnel that hit my body. My legs -- as a result of the shrapnel that hit my body, I am now a double amputee, one below the knee and one above the knee. And I wear prosthetic limbs. And along my right side -- the blast came from my right side, so along my right side, along my right thigh I have -- and on my face just a little bit, it's almost like -- the doctors told me it's almost like a tattoo. It's like debris, maybe dirt, something that is probably -- it's not big pieces of shrapnel but it's something that will probably be forever embedded in my skin as a constant reminder, as if my legs weren't enough.

CELESTE CORCORAN: So I had three surgeries, I believe, within that first week on my legs, and then they were able to -- they do the surgeries to remove all the shrapnel and know that they can close it and it's going to be okay, so it required three surgeries, and then they were at a point where they could close it up. And those were the only surgeries on my legs. But then after those surgeries, when I started to lessen -- when I started to need less medication, I realized that a piece of shrapnel had hit my cheek. It didn't penetrate but it had broken my tooth, and a nerve -- my back molar, a nerve was completely exposed. And I can't believe I'm saying this, but, you know, having your legs amputated, when you have a raw nerve that's just exposed, that was pretty painful also. And I couldn't eat. And I was complaining about that. And they said that they couldn't fix it in the hospital because it wasn't, like, oral surgery. I needed to see a regular dentist. But I was in so much agony with that that -- I believe he was a dental resident or something came to see me, and he just did a quick fix. Like he saw what was going on and he put some kind of compound -- he had to jam it in there. And that wasn't fun.

CELESTE CORCORAN: Yes, after I was -- I believe it was after I came home from Spaulding.

CELESTE CORCORAN: So my left ear ended up healing itself. After three months they checked me, and the left ear had healed itself, but my right ear, there wasn't enough of the eardrum to grow back. So I made the decision to get surgery on my ear to rebuild the eardrum. So I had that done. And that was a lot more difficult than I thought it was going to be. I thought, you know, It's my ear. How bad can it be? I lost my legs. But that surgery was really tough and it kind of knocked me down again for a good couple of months. So the surgery was a success in that I now have a functioning eardrum and I don't have a hole there any longer, but my hearing -- they were hoping that my hearing would at least come back to what the other side was, and it did not. So I have significant enough hearing loss in that ear to wear a hearing aid.

CELESTE CORCORAN: I am.

CELESTE CORCORAN: Yup.

CELESTE CORCORAN: I don't know what you mean about circulation problems. I just know that I never forget that I'm a double amputee. I always have -- I wouldn't really call it pain, but it's always a level of discomfort. Right now when I'm wearing my prosthetics I kind of feel -- it's weird, but I feel like I have legs and feet. Like I feel like I'm curling my toes right now, which is a little comforting to me, but right now I'm not comfortable. The bottoms of my limbs are constantly -- there's this constant -- it's like a numb, burning sensation. And a lot of times -- and that's with the prosthetics on. And with the prosthetics off, it comes and goes. Sometimes it feels like -- the only way I can describe it is if -- you feel like you've had the worst athlete's foot in your life. It's like this horrible burning. There's times when I get shooting pains, and it literally makes me catch my breath. Like people notice when that happens to me. When I get those shooting pains, it's strange because I feel it in my feet. It's always my feet. It feels like somebody stabbed a toe or stabbed my heel or my calf or something. But it's usually my feet. So can I get on with my life? Absolutely.

CELESTE CORCORAN: I'm sorry?

CELESTE CORCORAN: I did get a service dog.

CELESTE CORCORAN: Sebastian.

CELESTE CORCORAN: No, he's in the other room waiting for me.

CELESTE CORCORAN: So he helps with my mobility. I -- as a double amputee, I have problems just walking. You know, on a flat surface it's easier, but walking -- I'm still not comfortable. I still haven't ventured out by myself walking on the sidewalk or -- an uneven surface, you don't realize until you're a double amputee how many dips and hills or whatever there are, inclines there are. Inclines are the worse [sic]. Going up is fine, but the inclines are very hard, and he helps me navigate those. He has a harness, and I hold on to the harness and he braces me. And if I've fallen, he's trained to -- I get up by myself but then -- well, partly get up, and then I can put my -- I can tell him to brace, and I can put my hand on his shoulder and he braces for me, to put a little bit more of my weight to get up.

CELESTE CORCORAN: I should have brought my glasses.

CELESTE CORCORAN: May I? Thank you.

CELESTE CORCORAN: I see my husband.

CELESTE CORCORAN: (Witness complies.)

CELESTE CORCORAN: Yes.

CELESTE CORCORAN: Yes.

CELESTE CORCORAN: I do.

CELESTE CORCORAN: (Witness complies.)

CELESTE CORCORAN: Yes.

CELESTE CORCORAN: That's my daughter.

CELESTE CORCORAN: I do.

CELESTE CORCORAN: (Witness complies.)

CELESTE CORCORAN: Yes.

CELESTE CORCORAN: Yes, it is.

CELESTE CORCORAN: Mary? Yes.

CELESTE CORCORAN: Through Spaulding Rehab.

CELESTE CORCORAN: She did.

CELESTE CORCORAN: I do.

CELESTE CORCORAN: (Witness complies.)

CELESTE CORCORAN: Yes.

CELESTE CORCORAN: I see Jeff Bauman.

CELESTE CORCORAN: With his legs sticking out. His raw legs sticking out.

CELESTE CORCORAN: Yes, I do.

CELESTE CORCORAN: (Witness complies.)

CELESTE CORCORAN: Yes.

CELESTE CORCORAN: Right here?

CELESTE CORCORAN: Yup.

CELESTE CORCORAN: I believe my husband is applying pressure to my legs.

CELESTE CORCORAN: That's my daughter Sydney. That's her legs.

CELESTE CORCORAN: It's not all of them, but, yes, it is.

CELESTE CORCORAN: The scar on the left is where they took a vein or artery from her leg to put it on the right-hand side where her femoral artery was severed, to reattach her femoral artery.

CELESTE CORCORAN: Which side? It's -- I'm sorry.

CELESTE CORCORAN: Okay. So on my daughter's right leg -- can I circle?

CELESTE CORCORAN: So on my daughter's right leg, right here is where a piece of the pressure cooker went into her leg.

CELESTE CORCORAN: It went into her femoral artery. And you don't see, but up here, the piece of the bomb, it was the size of a cell phone, and it was in her leg here and sticking out here. So it severed her femoral artery, so they took a vein from here and attached it here where she was damaged, where she almost bled out from (indicating).

CELESTE CORCORAN: The scar on her left is --

CELESTE CORCORAN: I'm sorry.

CELESTE CORCORAN: Yes, it is.

CELESTE CORCORAN: Right here. Up.

CELESTE CORCORAN: Yes.

CELESTE CORCORAN: Yes. She was very close to losing her leg.

CELESTE CORCORAN: Yes. And both those scars -- may I say this? Both those scars go all the way up here (indicating).

CELESTE CORCORAN: Yup.

CELESTE CORCORAN: She had a hole blown through her foot, she had -- so she has no feeling. Do you want me to elaborate on that?

CELESTE CORCORAN: She had a hole blown through her foot. So her -- if this is her foot, the hole was blown through right here, and she's missing this bone in her foot so her pinky toe is like -- it has no feeling whatsoever; it's just attached by tendons. She has numerous other shrapnel wounds, but what you don't see on her legs in those pictures, because they're of her thighs, is on her right leg, where the graft was done, she has on her calf -- I'm sorry -- on her calf she has two incisions that go the entire length of her calf that basically look like two zippers. And I'm not a doctor, but I believe it was called compartmental syndrome, because when they reattached the veins and arteries, there's a danger of, like, too much blood flow going down there, so they need to make those incisions so that basically her leg would just kind of blow up. So she has those scars also. I'm trying to think. Just other, you know, scarring on her whole leg from different pieces of shrapnel.